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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26902081">A Connection Between The Tormented</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jdot_FightMe/pseuds/Jdot_FightMe'>Jdot_FightMe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sword Art Online (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Butterfly Effect, Gun Gale Online, I REGRET NOTHING, Kirito has panic attacks, Panic Attacks, probably... eventually... if i ever update</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:08:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,397</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26902081</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jdot_FightMe/pseuds/Jdot_FightMe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Sinon witnesses the first part of Kirito’s interaction with Death Gun and realizes why he was having a panic attack. Idk my brain is weird.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Asada Shino | Sinon &amp; Kirigaya Kazuto | Kirito</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Panic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"With that name," the cloaked figure demanded, "and those sword skills; are you the real deal, or what?"</p>
<p>Kirito thought back to all the people who could possibly know him from previous games.</p>
<p>
  <em>If he knows me... then I should know him.</em>
</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>He looked up and realized.</p>
<p>
  <em>That's it! He's an SAO Survivor.</em>
</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Chills ran up his spine.</p>
<p>
  <em>But who is he...? And where did we meet in SAO...</em>
</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>The Black Swordsman thought harder, trying to remember who he could possibly be, but to no avail. His heart rate increased, and his breathing shortened; panic had begun to set in. The rest of the room began to fade out, the only things Kirito could feel was his own anxiety spiking, the cloaked figure's glaring gaze, and a fuzzy detachment from reality.</p>
<p>The figure closed the tab showing his username, eliciting a surprised intake of breath from the swordsman, and deliberately exposed his wrist to the Hero of Aincrad. Kirito recognized the emblem of Laughing Coffin, and his panic increased tenfold. He could feel his eyes widen, his breath quicken, and his entire body shaking as he broke out in the closest thing to a cold sweat in a virtual world.</p>
<p>"Answer the question." the concealed man growled, "Or don' t you understand?"</p>
<p>"No..." he said shakily, "I don't." he prayed that this man would leave him alone, "Whaddya mean <em>real deal</em>?"</p>
<p>"Nevermind. Whether you're a fake, using his name, or the real guy, someday... I'll kill you."</p>
<p>Kirito stood frozen in place as the man walked past him. Once he had left, the teenager stumbled to his seat as the full panic attack took hold. He gripped his head in his hands and it suddenly became hard to breathe.</p>
<p>What the hell was that...?</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Sinon had finished the first match of the prelims earlier than she expected. Her opponent was a foolish man that had been strutting his stuff in the waiting room and was clearly not one for strategy. He was probably a noob, because he didn't know that she was a sniper despite her being almost the most well-known sniper in all of GGO, with her Hecate II. Not that she minded of course, it just made the job easier on her. But more of a challenge would have brought a lot more satisfaction with her first victory in this Bullet of Bullets. She was teleported back to the waiting room to wait for her next fight, and for some odd reason she immediately scoured the room for that bastard whom she had helped prepare for the BoB. The sniper told herself that she shouldn't care, but found him standing and looking around. The girl decided to harass him again as payback from before, but a man in a cloak walked up to him and started talking.</p>
<p>She was far enough that she couldn't hear, and assumed it was someone he knew, so she planned to go rat on him to his friend, or so she told herself. But, the closer she got, the more she realized that was not the case. The man seemed to be threatening Kirito, and the gamer who normally played "your typical fantasy type game" was in a completely defensive stance. She moved to the side for a clearer view of the situation and realized it was pure panic and fear that resided on his face. The Cloak Guy, as she dubbed him in her head, pulled up the BoB bracket window with his name and pointed to it. He paused for a moment and then closed it, before making a deliberate show of the movement of his arm.</p>
<p>Whatever that was for, it made Kirito's eyes widen, breath quicken, and body become even more rigid than before. The man, who she glimpsed red, glowing eyes from, said one more thing before exiting the waiting room. The swordsman was frozen in place for a few seconds, lost in thought she supposed, before stumbling backwards into his seat. He stared the table down before placing his head in his hands.</p>
<p>Why did this seem so familiar... Oh.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>He was having a panic attack.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Just like...</p>
<p>She does...</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>This scene made her rethink everything she thought she knew about him, being a sexist bastard who takes advantage of people for example, and flush it down the drain. Absentmindedly, she noted that if she had arrived later without witnessing the exchange, she would have thought that this panic attack was just him freaking out about his previous match, probably finding it out that he would react this way even though his bracket finished extremely fast.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>
  <em>OH!</em>
</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>She came to and realized he was having a friCKEN PANIC ATTACK and that even though she hated his guts, she should probably help him out of it. Because nobody deserved what she goes through on almost a weekly basis.</p>
<p>"Hey." she shook his shoulder and spoke louder, "Hey! Kirito, are you okay?"</p>
<p>That seemed to snap him out of the full-fledged attack, leaving him slightly dazed and slow to process his environment.</p>
<p>"Are you okay...? What did that cloaked dude say to you to freak you out this much? Your first gunfight didn't even scare you so how did..." she cut off as he stared up at her with haunted eyes. The kind she recognized every time she looked in a mirror at home alone. He gripped her hand, still shaking slightly, and took a slow, deep breath.</p>
<p>"Did you... Have you ever... I... He-" Kirito tried to explain pitifully, but was cut off by the teleportation animation and sent off to his next match.</p>
<p>Sinon was left staring at where his hand gripped hers desperately. She couldn't help but worry, because going off to a gunfight after a panic attack like that is just plain cruel, so even though she hates his guts, she mentally notes to check up on him after the semi-finals. Whether he makes it there or not.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>She couldn't believe he would make it no matter how much she wanted to.</p>
<p>She hoped he wouldn't be too traumatized by this.</p>
<p>She prayed for once in her life that fate would have mercy on Kirito.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>She forgave him for his slights against her, and swore to help him with whatever ulterior motive lead him to BoB.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Because there was no way in hell that he was here by choice.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>And there was no way in hell she would leave someone to suffer like that...</p>
<p>
  <em>Like her.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Contemplation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Sinon watched the tail-end of the teleportation animation, she couldn't help but feel awful.</p>
<p>She had yelled at him when all that had happened over the past few hours was that she had made assumptions. Really, it was her own fault, and yet her pride got the best of her again. So much for bettering herself. Asada wished she could be a strong person in real life, so she used that to recreate herself as Sinon. But sometimes she wondered if it was even worth it if she ended up hurting people just like herself instead.</p>
<p>She glanced up at the preliminary brackets and wondered just what about that encounter had worked Kirito into a panic attack. Sinon didn't wonder for long, however, as she was soon teleported to the waiting room for her next match.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>As the preliminary matches continued, Sinon made sure to watch Kirito's matches between her own. He was fighting recklessly, as though he had everything left to lose.</p>
<p>She absentmindedly wondered if that was just how he was, or if it was an effect of earlier. It didn't matter in the end, she supposed, because sure enough, they both made it through to the semi-finals.</p>
<p>Any thoughts of anger from the changing room had dissipated, she wasn't sure what she even wanted to do. Winning here didn't change anything, so what was the point? If she dueled here, she wouldn't be any better than those losers in the waiting room that were showing off their weapons and skills. Even though she had a reputation, she knew it wasn't smart. But even then, she had been so desperate and determined to win. Her indecisiveness overwhelmed her, and she decided to just do nothing instead.</p>
<p>And nothing she did.</p>
<p>After standing on the road for a bit, Sinon spotted Kirito just walking towards her calmly without his photon sword or handgun drawn. Was he not expecting her to attack? Or did he just not care? He obviously did care based on how he was fighting through the matches, so then what the <em>fuck</em> was this?</p>
<p>She strapped her Hecate || to her back and grabbed her handgun from it's holster. She pointed it in his direction without any intent to shoot, but still, no reaction from Kirito.</p>
<p>"I'll shoot, I will!" she called out, getting more and more anxious as he approached with a blank expression.</p>
<p>He mumbled something but she couldn't hear it before raising his voice, "Then shoot. We're in the semi-finals, it doesn't matter anyway. We both get to move on, so just shoot me already, waste that bullet."</p>
<p>He hand shook a little bit and she lowered her weapon.</p>
<p>"Is this..." she worked up the courage to ask, "Is this because of whatever the hell that was from earlier?"</p>
<p>He flinched and finally stopped walking, only a few meters away from her.</p>
<p>"Well? Is it? Are you going to answer me?!" she forced the traces of Asada from her voice and tried to sound more confident than she was.</p>
<p>The silence rang out in the dingy abandoned highway in which they faced each other.</p>
<p>Kirito finally brought up his eyes from the ground to meet hers, "You wouldn't understand."</p>
<p>Despite the desperate and anguished tone, her eyes sharpened in offense. <em>She sure as hell understood! Screw him for assuming, the asshole!</em></p>
<p>Noticing her annoyance, he recoiled and started again, "Yes... but also no. I-I can't explain it."</p>
<p>Sinon thought on that for a minute, and the silence seemed to drag her into an deep void. She turned away from him and started pulling up the surrender menu.</p>
<p>"I understand more than you think," she spoke mournfully before resting her hand on the surrender interface.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Asada swung halfheartedly next to Shinkawa. She honestly didn't know how she was supposed to feel or what she wanted to do anymore.</p>
<p>"H-hey. Asada. What was the deal with that <em>guy</em> and you during the semi-finals?" he demanded.</p>
<p>"W-what?" she squeaked in surprise.</p>
<p>Shinkawa stood up angrily, "He didn't even bother to fight you! Was it because you were a girl?! Ohhhh I'm gonna beat him up for that!"</p>
<p>"N-no! You don't need to do that! It was just... it was personal okay?" she tried to calm him without spilling her true thoughts.</p>
<p>"B-but he hurt you somehow! He has to pay for that! We could get some PKers and ambush him! It'd work so well," he suddenly had a devilish air to him, "...and if that isn't enough, I will make him pay..."</p>
<p>"Sh-shinkawa?! No! It's fine, I just thought we were... similar, that's all. It just caught me... off guard..." she trailed off.</p>
<p>They swung on the swings for a few minutes as an awkward silence hung around them.</p>
<p>"I think I should go..."</p>
<p>"Yeah," he breathed while staring up at the clouds.</p>
<p>She wasn't sure what to make of that, he was acting especially weird. But she had a tourney to win, and she couldn't allow herself to get distracted.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>"Sinon!" Spiegel called out to her.</p>
<p>She blinked, "H-hey Spiegel."</p>
<p>They walked a solid five minutes without a word until they reached an empty bridge that overlooked the busy city.</p>
<p>"Good luck out there... I just know you'll win this thing."</p>
<p>"Hah, I'm glad you have faith in me. I'd like to be as confident, but well, I guess we won't know until after!" Sinon laughed.</p>
<p>An oddly uncomfortable silence overtook them, "A-Asada... no, Sinon."</p>
<p>"H-huh?" <em>Why was he trying to use her real name here? What's up with him? He seems so different... so, creepy...</em></p>
<p>He blurted out with a straight face that felt off to her, "I-I like you!"</p>
<p>She blinked before blushing and stumbling backward, "W-what?"</p>
<p>"If you win this thing, will... will you go out with me?!"</p>
<p>"G-go out with you?!" she squeaked out in surprise, "Sorry, but why would you ask that? I have to focus on the tournament! I can't afford any distractions!"</p>
<p>"Right..." he muttered dejectedly, but as she turned to walk away, she noticed a manic glint in his eye. <em>Just what was up with him today?</em></p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Just as she had expected, Kirito was waiting there for her to show.</p>
<p>He wasn't shaking or panicked like the last time she saw him, and all she could wonder was how he kept going like this. There was no way he had gotten over what had just sent him into a panic attack... unless he was just <em>that</em> strong. <em>Now that she thought about it, he did make it all the way to the semi-finals after facing whatever had set him off. He really could be that strong.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>A traitorous part of her really wanted to find out.</em>
</p>
<p>"H-hey, Sinon."</p>
<p>"Yes?" she wondered what he wanted to talk to her about, not realizing she was still maintaining her resting bitch face and making him more nervous.</p>
<p>"Do you think you could, uh, maybe run me through the rules real quick? I would have read the email but uh..." Kirito trailed off.</p>
<p>He may not have said it, but she was smart enough to pick up what he was putting down.</p>
<p>Her face softened, "Yeah, I can do that."</p>
<p>And she did. Surprisingly, he did ask intelligent questions, they were just questions that had already been answered in the email.</p>
<p>Go figure.</p>
<p>The last question threw her guard way up though.</p>
<p>"Are there any names of newbies that you don't recognize in this BoB? It's very important, I need to know," his gaze dug deep into her soul as though it was searching for something.</p>
<p>It terrified her, but she steeled herself and listed them. Kirito was really weird, but somehow this all seemed logical and purposeful. There was a reason he was here, and it sure as hell wasn't to win the tournament.</p>
<p>But she wasn't sure she wanted to find out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is totally self-indulgent :P</p></blockquote></div></div>
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